My Uncle Luigi (that's all you get)

My uncle Luigi Bevilacqua was once wrongfully jailed for stabbing a man. He was standing on the corner minding his own business, and concentrating on whittling down a piece of wood with a Bowie knife. It wasn't his fault that the man backed up onto his knife- 14 times!

After serving his alloted period of incarceration, he used to take long walks on the beach to collect his thoughts and shells also: 38s, Magnums, 9mms. They looked good in his aquarium.

One day he went hunting with some of his cumparis. After an hour's drive down a country road, they spotted a sign which read "Bear Left", so they went back home.

Luigi was born in a really big, all-Italian neighbourhood - Napoli. When he was nine, his parents moved to the States, in a really rough Bronx neighbourhood. The boy used to stay up at nights, laying in his bed and wondering: "Where's the frickin' roof?"

One day during an ancient history class in school, he was asked if he knew who killed Julius Caesar. He told the teacher he didn't know. He knew when not to talk.

... to be continued